Missed Opportunity

Today we were at the Library checking out books to knock out list One of our Summer Reading Program. Maybe I had a case of the Montuesdays (which is a case of the Mondays when your first "official" day of the week starts on Tuesday due to a Holiday) but I was feeling a little short-fused. A woman stopped us to ask if Kate and Audrey were twins, which usually doesn't bother me. Who doesn't love babies? And two of them? By all means, I love to hear how cute my kids are- but today I politely stopped for a moment, thanked the woman and proceeded on in. Emily is 3 and has been acting it lately. Not that she is bad, she's just 3 and I have to remember that. I just wanted to get the Library trip done and back in the car.

While in the children's section checking out books, I saw other mothers. Mothers who had patience, mothers who were reading and doing puzzles with their kids. All of which made me feel like the Bad Mommy because I simply wanted to get our books, get home, and not make too much of a scene with 3 children age 3 and under (which, as it turns out, is darn near impossible). As we walked around and got our books, I noticed a little boy (I would have guessed about age 2) with his dad. This little dude had one arm that ended at his elbow. I didn't notice it in a negative way but in more of the same way when you notice a child has curly hair, or lots of freckles, or is short/tall. I simply noticed. And if we hadn't almost mowed him down with our train stroller, I probably wouldn't have noticed him at all.

The theme of this post is 'I just wanted to leave', in case you hadn't picked up on it. But, when Emily asked if we could stop and do some puzzles the aforementioned Bad Mommy Guilt crept into my head and I told her she could do one puzzle. Emily sat down and ended up sitting across from the little dude who was almost our ninth first stroller casualty of the day. Emily is waaaayyy into other kids right now. She says 'hi' to anyone and everyone, asks me if we can go to the houses of people we pass while driving, and gets genuinely offended when the kid 3 cars over doesn't see her wave. While doing her puzzle, Emily looked over at Little Dude and said to me, "Mommy, why is his arm like that?" Now, this is a moment I had practiced over and over in my head. Not all scenarios were kids, but I practiced what I would say to Emily when she did start to notice that people are different and what I would say when she pointed it out. When I practiced in my head, the scene would start much like it did today. Emily would take notice of someone who was not like her and point it out. Not in a bad way, but simply in that innocent child way- much like asking 'why', she simply wanted to know. In my head, I would tell her that God made us all different, and because of these differences we are all very special. We would go on to talk about how if we were all the same the world would be a boring place. In my head, she would ask questions "Can he throw a ball? Does it hurt?" and I would explain that he could do everything she could do. It doesn't hurt, he was born that way and he was perfect, just like she was. In my head, I had all the right answers.

And in real life, I had a brain-lapse. Maybe it was the Montuesdays, maybe I didn't think Emily was old enough to notice, maybe I just simply didn't think when I saw Little Dude that this would be my opportunity to make my child aware and open to differences. Whatever it was, when Emily asked me about Little Dude, I panicked and said, "He was born that way, that's how he was made." End of explanation.  After a brief pause, Little Dude's dad spoke up and said, "Yep he was born that way. It doesn't hurt him and he can do all the things you can do!"

I was crushed. What I had done? Or better yet, why didn't I do more? I am sure I looked like a crazy self-centered mother in the eyes of Little Dude's dad. And yes, I am sure he answers that question a lot and will for years to come, but I am very disappointed in myself. I know that this isn't the only time I will be faced with a difficult question, but I still feel like I let my kids down. Like I let Little Dude down. I can only hope that next time I am able to summons my inner Super Mom and have all the right answers. That should I flub and get caught off guard I will be able to get back on track and redeem myself. I'm sorry Em. I'm sorry Little Dude.